I'm pregnant

Oh yeah. I've actually known about this since Memorial Day. The week we were at the beach, I was in the 2-week waiting period, where we had timed it, done the deed, and it was too early to test. Then my period didn't come on Monday when it was supposed to, and I knew. I'm pretty darn clockwork regular. But, I didn't test right away because I just wasn't ready to play the role of pregnant woman. I had melted down at the beach when I couldn't get Margaret to sleep, and I told Wes I didn't think I could handle 2 kids. But of course, both of us knew that it might just be too late. And it was.

I waited until Saturday to test. I wanted to be a regular person for awhile, before the congratulations, and the excitement about the baby started. When you're pregnant, it starts to be about how your body feels, and the baby's needs, and how you'll manage your family. It stops being about the person you are. And I was just starting to get "me" back. I knew I was pregnant, but I was just not ready to start "being" pregnant. I didn't eat or do anything I shouldn't have that week or anything, I just went on as usual.

I am terrified. I still have no idea how I'm going to manage 2 kids. Margaret wears me out every. single. day. I always wanted Margaret to have a sibling, because I loved having one, but it will be so hard at first. I guess knowing how hard it was last time makes it even more terrifying, instead of less. At least I have a clue what I'm doing this time. But my precious time to myself is going to go away even more once there's another baby vying for my attention.

Of course, part of my issue now is that this pregnancy is making me exhausted, and unlike last time, my brain has shut down. I literally can't remember anything, and I feel constantly like I've taken antihistamines and have the druggy brain fog. I do have a cold, but the feeling has been going on longer than the cold, and no antihistamines have been involved. It's maddening to suddenly feel really really stupid. I just can't grasp anything. I didn't have this last time. Of course, part of it is being tired, but I know that the exhaustion will only get worse once the baby gets here and wakes up every 2 hours. At least I now get an entire night's sleep in a row. It's all about perspective, baby. It's only gonna get worse. ; )

I have had my first bizarre food craving. So far, I've felt much like I did when I was pregnant with Margaret. I crave spicy foods, and suddenly the whole grain cereals and breads I usually eat are anathema, and I must eat an everything bagel with cream cheese every day. I also crave coca-cola all the time, but I think that is true for me all of the time. So far, raw vegetables are still acceptable, unlike last time, although I don't know what will happen tomorrow. The other day, I REALLY craved hot wings. Bad. But I didn't want to spend the money, and going to a restaurant with Margaret (especially by myself) is no fun at all. So, I tried to think of what was in my house that I could put tobasco sauce on. Saltine crackers. That's right, my afternoon snack was saltine crackers dipped in tobasco sauce. I've officially eaten something weird when pregnant (the last time, I just ate a lot of spinach quesadillas with jalapeno peppers).

Boy, am I tired. Have I mentioned that?