Friday, February 11, 2005

Baby thrown from vehicle?

I have no words to explain this. I understand the trauma that birth can have on a mother's insticts and actions, and babies abandoned by their mothers at birth make a bit of sense to me now (I know, it doesn't to anyone else, but if you can go ahead and feel the confusion and fear that sets in a new mother who is well-supported and extrapolate that to a woman who is NOT well-supported, has mental health issues, etc., you can understand that postpartum hormones are not to be trifled with). But WHY would someone NOT the baby's mother throw an infant from a moving car? I know, you're wondering why I understand mothers doing it, but not strangers. Seriously, those hormones kick your ass.

OK, now you're worried that my next baby is in danger of me, but I promise that's most likely not the case. The first few minutes of being a mom is terrifying, though, and that first time that the nurse left me in that room with just Wes and the baby, I swear my first instinct was to press the call button and ask when the baby's mom was coming to get her. Seriously. And I cried for a week, with very few reasons I could explain. Luckily, it passed pretty quickly for me, and I never wanted to hurt Margaret, but I certainly felt inadequate to be her mom. Flying blind, I was. I still am, but now it doesn't feel so foreign. So maybe it's hormones and maybe it's just the weirdest situation a modern woman could possibly find herself in. Overnight, I was responsible for the entire existence of another human being. Responsible in every sense of the word. It's a terrifying phenomenon, to be sure, and not for the faint of heart. But so many people are out there who want a baby, so why would someone NOT feeling those hormones or the utter responsibility of bringing a life into the world, choose to throw a baby out the window like a bag of trash? I don't get it. Surely, the answers will come in time, as the details are worked out. Maybe it was the mom after all?

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